Deep Down

oh if only i had a moment

where everything was inline

when the sun and the moon would once intertwine

to create an extraordinary eclipse.

oh what i sight i wouldn’t be able to miss 

to have the earth be as light as the dark-side of the moon 

oh, if only i could have spend that moment with you

it would then only make all the imperfections of the world seem perfect and make every chance i had taken and had made it been worth it.

if only i could look into your eyes and see the sparkle of pure happiness as you begin to smile. 

it would only then make my life complete for my intent was to make your vitality absolute.

But you’re intents were indifferent from mine.

they were relentless and unkind like the deathening tsunamis waves that engulfed thousands of innocent ships.

you ripped me apart and left me to sink

taking every last chance i had to survive with you 

as you tormented your way to the safe shore.

and for that i thank you.

for you made my self-being stronger.

and influenced me to assemble the 14 foot brick wall that now protects what is left of the small broken pieces of a heart that you had destroyed,

 and a soul that would still foolishly choose to excuse your horrendous actions,

 and would return to your dis-trusting embrace, for that’s the only place it would ever be able to call a home.



oh if only i had a moment where i could have seen all your intents before i made had mine. 

Left alone.

In life, we need to face reality for us to become strong, intact and ready to fight. Sometimes being indenial make us more weak and plastics. Can't you see why people more alone is strong because they face the reality more than us. They can live without help of others, stand for their own and fight to what they want. 

I never thought in life I would be left alone but guess what??? They turned their back and never look back what they left behind because of their success... Huh, then again it makes sense that they're never a true friend but a friend who's there when they need something to you and lean on you when they're down.

Nevertheless, I'm more happy because in life I know what track i'm gonna home run. success with heads up without the persons left me behind. In just a year maybe I would wear a crown, crown that means to me. Make me high to all the people who boo'd me all along. I know God is always here for me even at my weakest point in life 🙏🙏  

Emotionless

Dear Happiness,

You seem to have run away from me again.
You know it really has been an in and out type thing with us lately. I mean, I’m not saying you can’t come and go as you please, but it’s taking a toll on my recovery.
I was wondering if possibly you could stay for a while and just chill with me for a few days so that I can be calm and collected for a while?

So let me know. I’ll be waiting. 

Sincerely,

Inah

Justification

A Letter to Myself

I know you’ve just woken up to disappointment. You dreamed you were in his bed with his strong arms wrapped around you but it was just a dream. You were hoping that the heavy ache in your chest had disappeared, but it hasn’t…not yet. Do not immediately reach for your phone; in hopes that he has changed his mind over night. He has not and he won’t. There is no text or voice mail dripping with regret waiting for you and there never will be. It’s okay to take a few minutes to cry. You loved him with everything you had and never expected him to change his mind.

Please don’t start questioning why? You’ve been through this so many times. Stop reliving all the good in your head without being realistic enough to relive the bad as well. You probably could have been a better girlfriend but you were the best you knew how to be at the time. He can’t carry the burden of blame on his shoulders either. He was amazing but had his faults just like you. It just wasn’t meant to be. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience instead.

Do not try to reach out to him today. There is no reason to bother a man that has chosen to quit you. There is no point in small talk, random questions, or little jabs to make him feel your pain. You are trying to heal and though he may cross your mind a thousand times today, there is no need to act on it. He probably will not reach out to you, but if he does please remember that responding could be two steps back in the process. Maybe someday you can be friends but not right now.

Control your thoughts and try not to think about him moving on right now. It will happen one day and you need to prepare yourself. However, imagining another woman in his bed is not conducive to your state of mind. Do not rush out and try to ease the pain in the arms of another. Your heart aches for him and no other man will feel like him, kiss you like he did, or take away the pain. You will only complicate your own feelings and you know it. One day you will be ready for another love but not now…not yet.

It is okay to miss him, it is okay that you still love him, and there is no reason to feel silly because you do. Again, it is okay to take a few minutes to cry. Try to understand that you need to feel this; you need to go through this so that you can get over it. You’re mourning the death of your relationship, your life with him, and the strongest love you’ve ever felt. Only cry for a few minutes because you have to get out of bed eventually.

You have to take a shower and get dressed. Don’t slack on getting ready because you know feel better when you look good. Take a few minutes with your coffee and remember how amazing you are. People are drawn to your personality, even if you can’t figure out why. You genuinely like yourself and want to be a better person. Find something you want to improve or do today and go do it. You have no distractions anymore…just you!

Focus on work and things that you enjoy. If you start to get bored and negative thoughts begin to appear please find something to do. Keep your day busy since the nights are already the worst. Do not drown your sorrows in alcohol as it will negate any progress you’ve made and you’ll relapse into your normal masochistic routine. You have things to look forward to tomorrow and you need to feel good!

Take better care of yourself. Not because you want to look amazing the next time he sees you (well that wouldn’t be so bad) but because you need to take care of yourself. This is the only body you have and it need not falter and fail before its necessary. You’re supposed to love yourself first anyway and self-reliance will keep you from this place again. Keep your body, mind, and soul clean and you will start to feel amazing.

Remember that there is an end to all of this pain and suffering. However long the road is there is always an end. Do not concentrate on discovering your next love. It isn’t important to the cause at the moment but don’t think you won’t be there again. Next time it will be better, stronger, and will make you laugh at how much stock you placed on your previous relationship. Even more so, if you learn and grow from this you’ll be stronger than ever. You’ll be ready to love without caution, openly and fearlessly. You’re definitely not there yet…not yet. But one day you will be. Now go conquer the world.

Love Always,

Yourself

Cycle of love.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that I finally feel genuinely happy with my life right now. I always tried to make myself think I was happy before; that nothing was missing and I loved the way things were. But none of that was true. It was a cycle of thinking I needed a guy to complete me as a person, or show me what life was really about. 

In all honesty I was what you might consider a hopeless romantic in the worst possible way. A loveaholic if you will. It seemed from the time I hit puberty and realized boys thought I was attractive, I needed one, (sometimes more), to make my life go round. That is a mistake I hate admitting to, and pray I wasn’t the only one who made it. 

When I realized how much fun dating, kissing, holding hands, etc. was, I seriously felt like nothing else could possibly be more important. Even my favorite book or a cup of coffee from the local cafe couldn’t match the endorphin levels that a boy who gave me attention could. Pathetic, I know. No offense to anyone else out there who’s been in my shoes. But looking back on it, I’m embarrassed for myself!

Now, don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship can be an absolutely wonderful thing. It really does make your life feel just a little better. But when you begin to feel that without one, your life isn’t complete at all, some perspective is in dyer need. Having that special connection and bond with a person does put you on top of the world. But it can become easy to put their needs and emotions ahead of your own, leaving you feeling drained and totally imbalanced. If my relationships have taught me anything, it’s that space is a MUCH needed thing, for not only you but them as well. 

The honeymoon phase of a relationship can last anywhere from two weeks to four months just depending on the couple, but we all know that once it’s hit it’s peak, things aren’t nearly as exciting anymore. Those butterflies might have receded now that you’re both comfortable with one another, and in all honesty some things they do might even annoy the shit out of you now. That’s normal! But so is getting back in touch with the outside world!

When you spend all that quality time with the “perfect person” you’ve been dreaming of, you forget that you’ve still got friends and family from time to time. If you’re lucky, they’ll be understanding. They will get that you’re head over heals and let you enjoy your happy time until you’re ready to come back down to earth. But there are times when they will be hurt. Let me just say, you should pay very close attention to your friends and families needs just as much as yours and your new love interest. They have usually been there for you and will continue to be there for you much longer than the guy of the moment. This is not meant to say you are a bad person, or that you can’t still enjoy the time you have with your significant other, but keep in mind who will be there if something goes wrong. I for one would rather have the cushioned support of my family and friends than the cold hard ground.m

Reality you must accept.

If you are going to fall in love with me,


It’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.


You are falling in love with my insecurities,


And my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me.


You are falling in love with my immaturity,


My constant need to feel loved and appreciated,


My overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession,


And my tendency to jump to conclusions.


You fall in love with my troubled past,


My unrealistic hopes and dreams,


And the fact that I seriously believe they could come true.


You fall in love with my wild temper,
My illogical thought process,


And how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, despite my feminist views.


If you fall in love with me,


You fall in love with my self-hate, all my imperfections,


And my perception that nobody could ever love me.


You fall in love with the history that has caused me to think this way.


But you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you,


The way I’ll text you in the mornings just to tell you I hope you have a great day,


And at night, to wish you sweet dreams.


You’re falling in love with the occasionally thought-provoking things I say,


And the silly things I do in an attempt to see you smile.


You are falling in love with the way I blush when people ask me about you,


And how I’ll hold your hand, even if we’re fighting.


But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me,


Despite my thinking that it is impossible.

My sweet thoughts.

Time stands still when you're close to me.🕘 You make me laugh like a child 👼 and hold me like you'll never let go. I'm thinking of you always, when you stare at me and smile 😊 I wonder what's running through that mind of yours. Is it me? Do you feel what I feel. Do you see what I see. You tickle me till I squirm around in your arms. You love ❤️comparing your palm to mine and holding 👫 it tight right after. You stroke my hair and kiss 💋 my forehead, you make me feel special. Waking up in your arms felt like home🏡 and you wouldn't let me go. And while you lie next to me, staring into my soul, only one simple joy comes to mind. I've found you.

Time doesn’t define how you feel about someone. We’ve had some ups and downs, but that doesn’t matter, as long as you’re still mine at the end of the day. 💕 I’m so hopelessly in love with you, and nothing could ever change that. You’re so much more than my boyfriend, you’re my bestfriend, you’re my rock, but most of all, my soulmate. Life could show me a million reasons to give up, but I’d always find a million more to stay. 😘 you’re my forever baby. I love you more than life itself. 💋