Justification

A Letter to Myself

I know you’ve just woken up to disappointment. You dreamed you were in his bed with his strong arms wrapped around you but it was just a dream. You were hoping that the heavy ache in your chest had disappeared, but it hasn’t…not yet. Do not immediately reach for your phone; in hopes that he has changed his mind over night. He has not and he won’t. There is no text or voice mail dripping with regret waiting for you and there never will be. It’s okay to take a few minutes to cry. You loved him with everything you had and never expected him to change his mind.

Please don’t start questioning why? You’ve been through this so many times. Stop reliving all the good in your head without being realistic enough to relive the bad as well. You probably could have been a better girlfriend but you were the best you knew how to be at the time. He can’t carry the burden of blame on his shoulders either. He was amazing but had his faults just like you. It just wasn’t meant to be. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience instead.

Do not try to reach out to him today. There is no reason to bother a man that has chosen to quit you. There is no point in small talk, random questions, or little jabs to make him feel your pain. You are trying to heal and though he may cross your mind a thousand times today, there is no need to act on it. He probably will not reach out to you, but if he does please remember that responding could be two steps back in the process. Maybe someday you can be friends but not right now.

Control your thoughts and try not to think about him moving on right now. It will happen one day and you need to prepare yourself. However, imagining another woman in his bed is not conducive to your state of mind. Do not rush out and try to ease the pain in the arms of another. Your heart aches for him and no other man will feel like him, kiss you like he did, or take away the pain. You will only complicate your own feelings and you know it. One day you will be ready for another love but not now…not yet.

It is okay to miss him, it is okay that you still love him, and there is no reason to feel silly because you do. Again, it is okay to take a few minutes to cry. Try to understand that you need to feel this; you need to go through this so that you can get over it. You’re mourning the death of your relationship, your life with him, and the strongest love you’ve ever felt. Only cry for a few minutes because you have to get out of bed eventually.

You have to take a shower and get dressed. Don’t slack on getting ready because you know feel better when you look good. Take a few minutes with your coffee and remember how amazing you are. People are drawn to your personality, even if you can’t figure out why. You genuinely like yourself and want to be a better person. Find something you want to improve or do today and go do it. You have no distractions anymore…just you!

Focus on work and things that you enjoy. If you start to get bored and negative thoughts begin to appear please find something to do. Keep your day busy since the nights are already the worst. Do not drown your sorrows in alcohol as it will negate any progress you’ve made and you’ll relapse into your normal masochistic routine. You have things to look forward to tomorrow and you need to feel good!

Take better care of yourself. Not because you want to look amazing the next time he sees you (well that wouldn’t be so bad) but because you need to take care of yourself. This is the only body you have and it need not falter and fail before its necessary. You’re supposed to love yourself first anyway and self-reliance will keep you from this place again. Keep your body, mind, and soul clean and you will start to feel amazing.

Remember that there is an end to all of this pain and suffering. However long the road is there is always an end. Do not concentrate on discovering your next love. It isn’t important to the cause at the moment but don’t think you won’t be there again. Next time it will be better, stronger, and will make you laugh at how much stock you placed on your previous relationship. Even more so, if you learn and grow from this you’ll be stronger than ever. You’ll be ready to love without caution, openly and fearlessly. You’re definitely not there yet…not yet. But one day you will be. Now go conquer the world.

Love Always,

Yourself